5 years of education converging on this point in time...

 I picked up my regalia this morning.  Is it bad luck to see the official garb before the official graduation ceremony?

I really don't care.  This is the culmination of a 5 year education goal:  1 year of Gen Ed for all of those science, math and stats credit I needed to take, 2 years of undergrad in Communication Sciences and Disorders, and 2 years of Speech-Language Pathology.  I had to try the whole kit and caboodle on as soon as I got home.

Although, I have no idea how I am supposed to really wear the hood.   Check out the sleeves - those are different, too! 

Okay so I am not great at the whole selfie picture thing.  I certainly don't have the practice for it.  But check it out.  I graduate with my Masters this month!

Bachelor of Science, Communication Sciences and Disorders

Giving my stole of gratitude to the man who help me the most, lifted me higher, strengthened me, and believed in me. And he is darn handsome, to boot.

Walking across the stage felt like pageant walking (head up, shoulders back, don't forget to smile and make it look natural, DON'T TRIP!).

Lots of cheers and "GO MOM!" and woot-woots.

Being thrilled for myself and my sister CSEDers (Dave, you also count as a sister CSEDer, brother). We worked so hard for this!

In awe of my family's love for me.

In awe of the extravagant flowers they presented to me as I walked out with my fellow students. Whoa, does a tiara come with this?

Wishing my parents could have been there. They will be in two years when I get my M.S.

Advocacy never ending

Mr. Wonderful gave me a certificate for a spa day last Christmas. Today was the day (I finally have time now that finals are over) and I was really looking forward to some pampering. The spa I went to was voted the best spa in the Boise area. It was beautiful. Incredibly busy (not very quiet) but I expected that since I booked a day the weekend of Mother's Day. That was okay. It was going to be divine.

The manicurist was great. She helped me pick a color (OPI 'I'm not Really A Waitress') and assured me that I could carry off that color on my short nails. Made me think of Dandelion Mama's post about her short nails. We talked about her kids, my kids, cupcakes (she is tweaking recipes to start a side business in gourmet cupcakes) and how to take better care of my dry hands. She told me how great the massage therapist was that I was scheduled to see next (and she was oh-so-right). The conversation was pleasant at my table. Then, during a pause, my ear started tuning into the conversation at the next table.

"She really started making bad choices", the nail tech at the next table was talking about her sister to her client. "I swear she smoked herself retarded." Both started laughing.

I froze.

Normally, I would speak right up to the person who uttered the 'R' word. But I didn't say anything this time. I did not think it was appropriate in this setting. Instead I made a note to email the spa tonight and let them know that while I appreciated their excellent services, there was one thing in which they could improve. That choice of vocabulary is unacceptable.

I know I've said it before (and that I am preaching to the choir). The word "Retarded" is not interchangeable with 'stupid'. Using that word in that context is hurtful and demeaning.

As much as I enjoyed the spa, the memory that will probably last the longest is the choice of words of the nail tech. I wonder if my email will make any difference.

Scarehaircare: Future Clinician

After 3 1/2 semesters of observing in clinic (behind mirrored glass so the clients couldn't see me), I did something monumental today.

I stepped into the clinic as a student-clinician and took charge of part of the therapy.

Ohmiheavens

I LOVE THIS PROFESSION!

It was a little nerve wracking. I was more intimidated by the possible people behind the glass (Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!") than I was the kiddo in front of me. I didn't have to plan the therapy (this time). All I had to do was take the graduate-clinicians notes and follow them. Nice ease into therapy. It. Was. Awesome.

Coming up later this semester: I have to plan and implement two half-sessions of therapy for the same kiddo and then one entire session. I'm looking forward to it.

Huge thanks to my graduate-clinician I am following around this semester. Before we went to retrieve kiddo and his mama for therapy, my graduate-clinician shared with me her most embarrassing first-time-ever experience as a graduate-clinician. It broke the ice for me and really eased up nerves I was feeling.

Pssst - I am excitedly/nervously awaiting any word from the grad schools I've applied to. Hopefully three very specific words along the lines of "We Want YOU!" will be arriving sooner than later.

Pssst again - HUGE CONGRATS TO ASH! She received word today that she was accepted to IOWA (only the #1 school for Audiology research in the entire nation!) Woot-woot, Ashley!

Tea party coming soon.....and HUGE thanks!

I apologize for blogging this so late. This is a huge thanks to Cookie Jilly. She had a tea set from Thailand and knew that somebody was looking for a teapot and a few more items to expand the tea set collection.

Look how gorgeous these are. The Love Magnet was excited as she watched me open the package. She thought is was from a princess.
Isn't this absolutely gorgeous? I've never seen anything like it.

It's being displayed in my double display case near the kitchen. And I am anxiously awaiting an excuse to give a tea party. Which means I need guests. Any volunteers?

Jilly, thanks so much. You are so incredibly generous.

Will the rest of you please pray for Jilly's family? She has loved ones who live in Egypt. With all of the fighting going on in Egypt right now, we are praying for their safety.

Believe. Hope. Endure Joyfully. Welcome 2011!

The textbooks have come. Sticker shock over the $150+ price tag of my Educational Audiology paperback textbook as well as the $50+ price tag of Topical Diagnosis in Neurology textbooks whose size I can easily fit into my purse. I can already tell you that my Neurology class is going to be incredibly tough. Still, I am looking forward to it.

Last semester, blog peeps. I am getting my B.S. in Communication Disorders in May. Twenty years after my original plan of when it was supposed to happen (albeit with a B.A. in Musical Dance Theater way back in the '91) I am going to graduate.

Can you hear the angels singing? Oh, yeah, I can.

Today's plans include more sticker shock as I go pay my tuition for the semester. Then it's off to practice the organ at church. Yesterday I was called to be the Assistant Ward Organist. I have a feeling my old piano teacher, Sister Larson, is up in heaven pointing her finger at me and saying "I told you that you needed to learn organ!" I have downloaded and printed BYU's The New Organist program and will listen to the free accompanying MP3 lectures from iTunes. BTW, those lectures and printouts are FREE if you are interested. 12 lessons in all and the claim is that it should turn me into an organist or at least put me on the path. BYU also has their yearly organ workshops (this year it starts August 2nd) which I am seriously looking into attending. I used to love their choir workshops.

As for the title of my first blog in 2011, it comes from a talk I gave the last Sunday in 2010 in my ward. Mr. Wonderful, Secondborn, and I were asked to focus on the topic of the 13th Article of Faith. My talk was about the middle: "We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things." I took the liberty of changing it a bit to "....and hope to be able to endure all things joyfully". My goals for 2011.

Coming up for air.....

I'm typing this while laying on the couch. The Love Magnet is snuggled against my side, fast asleep. For once, she isn't snoring. Poor thing, at least her cold seems to be getting better.

I thought that as soon as finals were over, I'd be totally relaxing and posting and baking and shopping and planning and......um, no. Scratch the relaxing part. Other than Mondays epic sleep-in-til-eight-a.m. (which was amazing, thankyouverymuch), I've been uber busy getting together graduate school applications. My Statement of Purpose has been edited (thank you so much, Cousin Anna) and all that is left is making sure the GRE scores and transcripts get to where they need to go.

Baking and treat delivery tomorrow. Wrapping happened this afternoon (I've lost one present already. It can't have gone far since I put everything in my closet and don't bother to hide it).

I prevented Thirdborn from buying handcuffs for The Love Magnet. I knew he would end up handcuffing her to something just to keep her out of his room. Instead, he was very smart and bought her a recorder/tambourine set so she would leave his recorder alone. The Love Magnet bought Secondborn a new wallet to replace the one he lost (it comes with a pocket size pliers/LED light/knife/screwdriver thingamabob that will surely be useful).

I arranged for the most fabulous gift for Mr. Wonderful and Firstborn: a helicopter tour over downtown to see the holiday lights. I figured since Firstborn wants to be a pilot, and Groupon had a fab deal of half off the tour, it would be perfect. Perfect was supposed to happen last Saturday night but was canceled due to weather. Rescheduled for this week. I'm really looking forward to seeing their faces.

I also bought and framed professional pics from Mr. Wonderful's first triathlon. I'm sure he'll be excited to see those. I am so proud of his accomplishments and I wanted the pics to be an ever-present bragging reminder of how cool he is.

The Love Magnet has requested that we make sugar cookies this week. So tomorrow a batch of sugar cookie dough and a batch of gingerbread dough will go into the fridge for Thursday. In the meantime, I have a house to clean. We are hosting Christmas dinner this year. I have new place mats (scored 80% off at Kohls) and a few things to make in advance. Christmas dinner will be ham with a whole mustard and apricot glaze, Grandma S' cranberry sauce, pickles in her cut-glass pickle dish, brie and crackers, hot crab and artichoke dip, and a gingerbread, lemon curd and blackberry trifle along with a place of Christmas cookies. My aunt and uncle will be bringing veg, potatoes, and their famous homemade bread.

Many pics coming up. But right now, my arm is asleep. I've got to figure out how to disentangle myself from The Love Magnet and carry her up to bed.

GRE panic........and calm.....

I took the GRE last night. And I bombed it.

Actually, it was a practice GRE, the third practice GRE I had done, and the first one I tried while timed.

I hated that little clock on the screen. It ticked like a time bomb and shattered my belief in myself. I scored horribly low on that practice test. After staring at the computer screen in shock, I started to cry. Hard. Then I got to my knees and started to pray. Hard. The tears didn't stop, they just came faster.

Please, Heavenly Father, I can't fail.

I know the taste of failure. It has happened so many times. My whole grad school future hinges on being able to score well on the GRE. I prayed and cried, cried and prayed.

Mr. Wonderful heard about it late last night after the kids were in bed. He heard me out, let me cry on his shoulder, counseled me, and promised to give me a priesthood blessing the next morning.

This morning, before the kids were up, Mr. Wonderful gave me a blessing in which he reminded me whose daughter I was and blessed me to have a calm spirit and clear recall of the things I studied.

I felt calm. I was so calm during my morning class that my classmates wondered what was wrong with me. Usually I am talkative - not this morning. I breezed through a quiz I had in class this morning, then left to review for the GRE.

This afternoon, I entered the testing center still feeling calm. I filled out the paperwork, hand copied the paragraph stating that I would not cheat, showed I.D., and stowed all my belongings in a locker - including a watch they told me I couldn't wear. They even made me turn my pockets inside out. All I could take in were two pencils and four sheets of yellow paper.

I walked in calmly. My hands weren't even shaking.

Noise reduction headphones - on.

Place paper, pencils, and I.D. just so,

Scroll through the directions.

Deep breath and quick stretch.

Go.

I think I rocked the essays. The quantitative was stressful. The problems I could not figure out in 2 minutes, I did a best guess of elimination and moved on. At least I finished the section with 2 seconds to spare. During the verbal, there were only two words I did not know but I could break them down and make a guess between two of the five answers available.

I did better on the quant than I thought I would but not great. I wasn't sure if I did well on the verbal until I looked up the percentage. According to the ETS website (if I understood it correctly) I did very well on the verbal.

I need to talk to my counselor to see if my scores were good enough for grad school, or should I take it again and hope for better on the math. I won't have my full scores with essays for two weeks.

Overall, I feel pretty good. Calm. Really calm.

Hopefully that feeling will last all through Thanksgiving break.

Homemaking grade - F

I attempted peach butter for the first time. I should have known that it wouldn't work well when I first prepped the peaches. They clung to the pit (whoops, forgot to check for freestone), and they just didn't smell peachy enough. It took twice the prescribed time amount to cook those down in my slow cooker. House smells great. Peach butter only made 3 1/2 pints, too sweet, and it doesn't taste peachy.



I should have stuck with apple butter and pumpkin butter. I know how to make those with success.



May I just add here that I haven't bottled ANYTHING this year? No applesauce, no peaches or pears, not even grandma's salsa. I didn't bother to make strawberry or raspberry jam (still have a little left in the freezer from the previous year.) No one touched the plum vanilla jam from last year- that won't be made again. Grandma S would be rolling in her grave - I haven't even put veggies in my freezer. My garden is a bust. Mr. Wonderful wants to till it all under and forget it next year....until I sung to him the Primary song about planting a garden. I think the song is cheesy. But it got the point across - we plant a garden every year. Period.



I haven't attempted a major new recipe since school started. Most of my cooking has been from memory. Tonight is Dijon Chicken Stew with Potatoes and Kale - perfect for the windy, rainy day we've had. And I can do that from memory, too. At least I still can do nutrition.

Laundry pile? What laundry pile? Oh....you mean that mountain over there?

It's Halloween. Dust and cobwebs are really in vogue right now.......sure.
(psst -I resorted to buying costumes this year, because I just don't have the mental energy to put anything together.)

*sigh*

Okay, so homemaking grade is shot for the semester, but I do get decent marks for mommy-ing. I still read books, check homework, and make sure they are wearing something clean and comb their hair before they leave for school.

Nine Years Ago -

Mr. Wonderful called me downstairs to see what was happening on the television. We sat in shock on the couch, hip-to-hip, holding hands. I was pregnant with Thirdborn, who was due to come in 2 1/2 months.

Our two older kids were at school and preschool. We debated on whether we should get them from school. We finally decided to let them finish out the school day since school was just one street over.

I mentally calculated our food storage, 72 hour kits, and stored water. We would be fine if supplies became scarce.

I worried about Mr. Wonderful. Being an elevator man, if there was an emergency he would have to head to hospitals or nursing homes to make sure the elevators ran as long as they could. he would not be able to stay home. We didn't think it would get to that point, but it was constantly in our minds.

Then I noticed on the television screen that one building looked as if it were leaning. I told Mr. Wonderful I feared it would fall...right before it did fall. My pregnant body couldn't take it any more. We turned the TV off and knelt down to pray. We prayed for the comfort of those families who lost or would lose loved ones that day. We prayed for the fire and police crews who were helping. We prayed for the leaders of our country that they would have wisdom. We prayed for ourselves and our loved ones that we would also have wisdom.

When it came time to pick up the kids, I held them extra tight. We spent the evening with the television off. We asked all questions from our kids as best as we could. We put together a puzzle after dinner and homework.

Now we look for a way to give service this day. The rest of the day remains low-key with a family oriented quiet activity and comfort food.

Do you have traditions that stem from 9/11?

It's slowly coming together....

My school has been back in session for two weeks. I am starting to see that the knowledge of the past year has starting sticking. I understand more. That is incredibly exciting to me.

I've narrowed down all of my interests in order to focus on two: Language development in Down syndrome, and Voice Disorders. I am still interested in geriatric issues but that can wait until after grad school and PRAXIS, when I am required to do CEU's. I still would like to do a grad research project on DS, music, and language development.

I still have not figured out how to balance laundry and house chores when everyone else is running every which way. I have the cooking down (love my slow cooker thankyouverymuch!) and I can juggle chauffeuring when there is time left during kids tutoring sessions and sports for me to open a textbook. I need to come up with some kind of chore chart and teach these kids how to clean up messes as they make them (apparently the past 17 years of doing this doesn't count because it hasn't stuck in their heads.....)

Date night is still sacred in this house. It's not always on our usual date night and it is not always "out" but I still get my datenight with my honey.

This is the semester of applying for grad school. I'll take the GRE in October. I have two groups lined up to write rec letters for me. I am still trying to figure out tuition costs, housing costs and all requirements needed to apply to the out-of-state schools. When I ask Mr. Wonderful how on earth we'll pay out-of-state tuition he tells me to not worry about it.

I had the lovely experience of doing hearing screenings on some elementary kids this past week. The SLP and I sat side-by-side with two screening machines and between the two of us finished the kids in half the time. It was a great learning experience for me.

I have an exam for genetics this week. I have a project to interview a 90 year old woman about hearing and balance issues that I am really looking forward to. Tons of reading.

I wonder if the laundry will ever be completely done this school year. Probably not.

Party planning quandary

The Love Magnet wants a birthday party. She has the party planned down to every single detail she has learned verbatim from Signing Time's Happy Birthday video. When she describes her party, she even uses the signs she learned from watching Rachel, Leah, and Alex.

Too bad they aren't available to be guests.

I promised my daughter that tomorrow we would sit down and plan the party, print the invitations, and deliver them the next day. But there is a frustrating problem. When I ask her who she would like to invite to her party, she lists all the adults in her life. No kids.

I haven't sought out the Down syndrome community since we moved here so she has no friends from there. I've been too busy with school. She has not been asked to playdates. I haven't set up playdates here because she hasn't really asked for them. Now I'm regretting my inaction when it comes to the social skills of the Love Magnet. Mom-guilt strikes hard late at night when my kids are asleep and I have time to think.

Do I invite her Primary class? I did that last year and the girls had fun at the tea party. Should I try to track down kids from her school class? I don't know most of them, let alone their addresses. This year, The Love Magnet wants a swim party. Will the guests interact with her or just with each other?

The gap between my daughter and her peers seems to grow wider as they get older. If I don't do something soon, the chasm might be too wide to cross. (Okay, I admit that sounds rather drama-queen of me, but it is an honest worry. ) If cousins lived close, I would have a houseful and then some, but that still defeats the purpose.

I'll probably be up all night with this. My daughter is counting on me to come through.

I posted this on my Facebook page last night:

I want to be an archeologist, an anthropologist, an astronomer, a geneticist, a professor, a travel show host, psychologist, chef..........

There are simply not enough hours to accomplish it all. At least I have only 3 more years till I can claim at least one academic goal.

This is the incredible response I got this morning:

Carrie, you are all those things and more, you are a mother. Maybe you don't have the "degree" in those things but mothers handle a little of everything. they dig things out of the back of closets and under beds and try to figure out how they got there and what the "little people" were doing with them in the first place. They look at the stars and point out constellations to their children. They certainly do lots of teaching. You host travel shows every time you go on vacation (or to the supermarket for that matter). Psychologist is a must when dealing with children. Chef you do every day....now of you could just get paid, oh, wait you do, with hugs, and loves and sometimes incredible pay days when you see them doing wonderful things with their lives. So pat yourself on the back and examine the hats you are wearing today.

This sweet note came from an incredibly wise woman, one of the few whom i can truly say has helped shape my life. Bonnie lives in my Utah ward I moved from 4 years ago. She is a caregiver to her sweet husband, famous grandma who constantly has grandchildren over, and she is one of the most spiritual and gratitude-counting people I know.

Much thanks and many hugs, Bonnie. You always had a way to help me keep my head on straight and help me to see the blessings that surround me.

Last night

Late night conversations that are actually not just inside my head:

"Good evening, Carrie."

"Good morning, Mom." (Mom is in Uganda and there is a nine (?) hour difference. We Skype each other when one day is starting while another is ending.)

After the usually how-are-yous, I'm-fines, let-the-kids-talk (even though they should have been in bed hours ago but won't because "it isn't dark yet, mom"), get-the-kids-back-in-bed.....we finally get down to brass tacks:

"Mom, were you worried about passing your nursing exam?" I needed mom-wisdom and mom-understanding. Even though my Praxis exam is still a good three years away, my GRE is looming. I worry that I will make it all through this educating and not pass that all-important exam I need to become a 'MS, SLP-CCC' and whatever other alphabet soup I want after my name. I always wanted an alphabet soup after my name.

Mom told me about being a nervous wreck for the entire two day exam, thinking she had failed the psychology part, relieved that she had studied diabetes when she found there were many questions pertaining, and worried that she didn't know enough about nerves. After all was said and done, she passed her nursing exam (her best score being the psychology section) and became an RN.

Out came the pompoms, and the "you're smart enough", and all the things good to hear from your mom. I needed it.

God bless whomever invented Skype. It allows me to see and hear my mom in Uganda. Incredible, blessed invention.

Sunday Gratitudes for my Daddy

I'm grateful that my daddy sat me down for a father's interview one day and told me he liked Mr. Wonderful and thought I should marry him. At the time it made me laugh. I thought Daddy liked Mr. Wonderful because he didn't have long hair or an earring or a band or was in theater. I didn't take the advice seriously. But (obviously) Daddy knew what he was talking about. Mr. Wonderful is indeed wonderful.

I'm grateful that Daddy sang with his kids from the start. Between Daddy singing bass and Mom singing alto, I learned to harmonize by the time I was 10 years old. Daddy played guitar and had us sing at every ward talent show. Now with 7 kids, spouses, and grandkids, you should hear us harmonize when we get together.

I'm grateful that Daddy paid for 8 years of piano lessons. I hope he thinks they were worth every penny. I sure do.

I'm grateful for all the priesthood blessings before school started, the blessing he gave when I had an eye infection and lost most of my vision (most of it came back), the blessings when I was sick/sad/nervous-about-something.

I'm grateful that my daddy taught me to swing dance. And for all those daddy-daughter dances he attended in my pre-teen years. I'm sure it wasn't the most entertaining time for him but he made my twin sis and me feel special. I used to love those date pictures taken at the activities.

I'm grateful for the times he has taken each of my kids out by themselves when they visit. Thirdborn still talks about the last movie they went to together. I know that movies about hamsters (chipmunks? rodents?) can't be high on Daddy's t0-see list (they certainly don't compare to James Bond movies).

I'm grateful for all the vacations to Sun Valley, ward camp out, Denver, Nauvoo, Disney World, and Georgia (driving to Georgia used to take us more than two days). One time, Mom asked me to stay up with Daddy to keep him awake as we drove through the night on our way to Georgia. I think I was 12. The moon was full and red that night. We talked for hours. I have no memory about what we said to each other. I just remember it as being one of my favorite parts of the trip.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I'll try to Skype you tomorrow so I can sing to you.

Sunday Gratitudes

Today in Sunday School we were studying the story of Samuel and Eli, particularly the part where Eli doesn't really make an effort when he disciplines them. The result is that they are destroyed and the Ark of the Covenant is taken. The story started a conversation about how we should not be our children's 'buddy' but really act as our children's parents and use that role to teach and instruct. Other adults were commenting about their children and how hard it is sometimes to be the parent. Huge gratitude to those parents for sharing their stories about the difficulties we face in parenting and disciplining our children. I don't feel like the mean mom, now. I'm not the only parent who insists their their kids learn how to work and do the job right the first time. Nor am I the only parent who gets the eye roll, the emphysemic sigh (I laughed hard at that description - it perfectly describes one of my children), the hunched shoulders, or the "it's not fair!" soliloquy.

I'm grateful for our upcoming vacay with Mr. Wonderful's parents. The kids are really looking forward to spending some time with their grandparents. They are good people. I love, love, LOVE my in-loves.

The Love Magnet took off again today. The front door was locked, as was the backyard gate. She went through the garage door (I didn't hear it with the dishwasher running). My next door neighbor saw my daughter chasing after my dog down the street. Neighbor tried to get her to stop, but The Love Magnet ran faster when she realized she was being chased. Neighbor caught her far down the next street and brought her back. I found out when Neighbor's firstborn knocked on my door to tell me his mother was chasing after my daughter. I'm grateful for my neighbor for bringing my daughter back. I've asked Mr. Wonderful to install alarms to tell me when any door to the outside or garage is open. I also bought a child leash. I hope that teaches her to not run.

I did a record amount of laundry this week. I'm grateful for the smell of clean laundry. I will be more grateful when all of my boys know how to do their own laundry.

My garden is starting to do better now that it isn't raining so much. The corn and peas look happy. The tomatoes look almost dead. Pumpkins and watermelon are finally starting to improve. The herbs are straggly. The strawberries are starting to bear fruit. I'm grateful that I'll be able to provide fresh, organic food for my family. I'm still learning. I wish I had inherited a little bit of gardening talent from my grandma.

Random

I feel like the general marshaling apathetic troops. Please tell me this is not a precursor to the entire summer.


Trying to study for the GRE during my summer vacay. Wondering if I should take a GRE prep course or just stick with my GRE prep manual (said manual will be taken on all vacays, too).

As The Love Magnet's desire for independence grows, so does her impulsiveness. Escapes are more frequent as is hiding from her mom. Seriously looking into GPS bracelets.

Thirdborn no longer likes his silver eyelashes (silver due to, we think, the loss of pigment in his skin). We've always told him it is because he has stars in his eyes. No longer a cool thing to say.

Iron Man 2 makes for a good dinner-and-a-movie date. Loved it with Kalua Pork. Bet you didnt' know that Robert Downey Jr. and Hawaiian food made for a good combination. Now you know.

19 years ago today

19 years ago today - it was raining. I was so upset that it was raining.
Today - it is raining. I love it.

19 years ago today - I covenanted to love you for eternity.
Today - I love you even more. I didn't know that my heart could expand like that.

19 years ago today - we had a lot of hopes and dreams.
Today - some came true, some didn't, some we just decided weren't nearly important. We've learned that God's plan is more important that our plans.

19 years ago today - we said our first family prayer together.
Tonight - we'll kneel side by side and thank our Father in Heaven for blessing our family for the past 19 years.

Happy Anniversary, Mr. Wonderful. 19 years down. Eternity left to go.

I'm looking forward to it.

I need your prayers

It's finals week for me. I'm worried about 2 classes, and not so worried about the other three. It is just the stress of finals. Please keep me in your prayers. I'll post big after this week about all sorts of things.

Musings from the playground

I walk The Love Magnet to school when the weather is nice. I've started to notice things when we walk onto the school yard property.
There are always a ton of boys playing football. Way more than there would normally be on the football field. Each one of those boys are clamoring for that ball. Just once! If they could only get it just once! Yet the same ten boys always seem to get the ball. And none of them want to share the glory that comes with it. So why do the rest keep playing?

There is always a group of girls just off the football field, watching the boys. They are trying to look cool, holding jump ropes but never jumping. They stand close to each other and whisper behind hands, giggling if the boys look at them. One of the girls never has a coat on, no matter how cold it is. Is it cool to not wear a coat? Does she not have a coat?

Another girl kneels on the ground against the school wall. She watches the girls, her hoodie pulled so low over her face, it looks as if she is hiding. I can tell from her eyes that she is begging for one of the girls to notice her, to acknowledge her, to include her. She constantly leans forward, almost to the point of falling over. Other than her lean, she doesn't move.

A boy always stands at the corner of the school, away from the other kids. He usually faces the wall as if he can't bear to look at anyone, or is it that he can't bear to have anyone look at him? My heart breaks when I pass him. He doesn't acknowledge greetings. No one ever goes over to talk to him.

The Love Magnet says hi to everyone. She tells friends she likes their shirt/shoes/backpack/hair. She hugs the teachers and aids out watching the children. She high-fives and fist-bumps her 4th and 5th grade buddies who come help in her class. She yells down the hall to the music teacher, says hi to the janitor, hugs her aide, and playfully avoids the hugs of the head of extended resource for a few tries. TLM eventually hugs resource head and laughs with her over the teasing.

I realized today as I dropped my daughter off, the unspoken social rules of this playground. Those rules that govern every child on who plays with whom, who can be approached, and those self-invented rules that keep children from playing with others.

My daughter knows nothing about those rules.

To her, everyone is approachable. Everyone is equal.

When I grow up, I want to be just like her.