Friday, April 02, 2010

Disquiet

I've had doubts this week along the lines of "am I intelligent enough for this?" I've asked more than a few stupid questions in class this week. I've finished papers and wondered if my professors could read my inadequacies laid bare on the academic altar. I've received tests back that did not prove my understanding (or perhaps they really showed my lack thereof).


Uncertainty.


I am now going to admit to you all that I hear voices in my head. No, not those voices (good grief, did you think I was crazy? No, please don't answer that). Just little niggling ones that like to rear their ugly heads and chip away at my confidence. I give them eviction notices. They move out. Even more annoying, louder tenants move in.


Misgiving.


I think of all the things I need to do, all the things that aren't getting done, all the things that jostle for priority, all the things that pile up, all the things I've had to eliminate, all the things.......


Deluge.


I remind myself that Mr. Wonderful gave me a priesthood blessing stating that I would be equal to the task.


Belief.


I think of how far I've come in this goal that has been 19 years so far in the making.


Achievement.


I think of how close I am to the first part of my goal.


Promise.


I think of the end result that will happen in 2013.


Reward.


*deep breath* My brain is quiet. Onward.


Faith.

2 comments:

Al, Wendy, Max, and Lil said...

2013...not so far away. You are closer than you think. :) Love

Cammie Heflin said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog, glad you did! I am a speech pathologist, you can do it! If you need any help I'd be glad to answer any questions!