Update to Swimming to the Surface

I just scored a very decent A- on my huge project #1 for Language Development. Feeling like I am going to survive grad school after all. At least this week.

Excuse me while I do a happy dance. Feel free to dance with me. Pat me on the back. Give me a woot-woot. Its all good.

First Day of School

Remember this school picture from 2010?

Check out how much taller they are now. 5th grade and 3rd grade.

This one just won't quit growing. He is in 9th grade and it was his first day of high school. According to Secondborn, it was also the worst first day ever. New school and none of his friends went to this school. (It is an advanced, invitation only high school.) Thank heavens the second day was better. He likes most of his teachers; loves Chinese, Geometry, and American History; still has few friends, but getting them through early morning Seminary and the fact that his classmates are learning his name. His high school shares the same building as my university, so he eats lunch with me if he doesn't have anyone else to eat with (I told him that a cute girl inviting him to sit with her constitutes a better deal than eating with mom). So far, I've only had two lunches with him.

Firstborn is just working and starting his mission papers. They should be turned in by Thanksgiving and hopefully he will have a call soon after that.

No back to school pic of me. I was too stressed to think to snap a pic.

Countdown to grad school

Titres, skin tests, CPR certification. All the stuff I didn't know I needed to have before grad school is now messing up my trip-to-Utah plans before school starts. Grad school also wants my immunization records. As another 40-something classmate has also found out, we can't get those records because they no longer exist. I've had a few booster shots in the past two years that will count, but it looks like I will need a few more.

I've spent over $500 on textbooks for this upcoming semester, including 5 books for neurology alone. I love neurology but I will admit to some apprehension of the seeming insurmountable workload from that class alone. I need to pay tuition this week, too, and give information on my insurance for my SHIP waiver.

Kids school supplies have been purchased as well as most of the school clothes they will need. Still waiting anxiously for information on meet-the-teacher night as I still don't know who they will be.

Slowly things are being checked off my to-do list. I will admit to a small bit of anxiety in the realm of "Can I really do this?" But I know that this goal of grad school is a righteous goal and I will have all the help I need to accomplish it. God is great. He will not leave me alone.

I've been marveling at all the huge milestones our family will see during my two years of grad school:

* Firstborn has an interview this Sunday to be ordained an elder after which we will start marking off the checklist of everything to be done before his mission. He can turn in his papers in November. He'll leave for his mission sometime in February. He is hoping to serve in Africa like his grandparents.

*Secondborn will turn 16, be ordained a Priest which will allow him to bless the Sacrament. He will also start driving and dating (in my church, dating doesn't start until you turn 16). If you ask him which one he is more excited for between driving and dating, he will certainly tell you driving.

* Thirdborn will turn 12 and be ordained a deacon, which will allow him to pass the Sacrament. This is a big deal and he is so excited at the thought.

These are huge milestones in my church and my kids are really looking forward to them. Here is to the next two years. They will be monumental.

Bachelor of Science, Communication Sciences and Disorders

Giving my stole of gratitude to the man who help me the most, lifted me higher, strengthened me, and believed in me. And he is darn handsome, to boot.

Walking across the stage felt like pageant walking (head up, shoulders back, don't forget to smile and make it look natural, DON'T TRIP!).

Lots of cheers and "GO MOM!" and woot-woots.

Being thrilled for myself and my sister CSEDers (Dave, you also count as a sister CSEDer, brother). We worked so hard for this!

In awe of my family's love for me.

In awe of the extravagant flowers they presented to me as I walked out with my fellow students. Whoa, does a tiara come with this?

Wishing my parents could have been there. They will be in two years when I get my M.S.

Things To Celebrate

ISATs (Idaho Standard Achievement Test) was underway last month. Moms know the drill: make sure you kids get a good night's sleep, a good breakfast, and be sure to send them off with a positive attitude.

I remember taking standardized tests by filling in bubbles on a paper test using a #2 pencil. No longer. My kids take state standardized tests on the computer. They are immediately given their scoring when they are done. Not sure how I feel about my elementary kids seeing that score. At least I wasn't sure until last week.

Thirdborn came running home to announce the news: "MOM! I scored 'Proficient' on my Language ISAT!" My jaw dropped. This is the kid who was diagnosed with dyslexia, disgraphia, Audio Processing Disorder, and a Language Disorder. He has been in language therapy with the school's SLP since he was diagnosed. He just scored 'Proficient' and he wanted to celebrate.

I talked to his resource teacher yesterday. She confirmed that he did indeed score 'Proficient' on his Language ISAT. She took him around the school to let him share his news to all those who have been working with him. This is a very big deal. So tomorrow (when we all have an hour) we shall celebrate ISATs. Thirdborn wants to go get a milkshake at his favorite place.

Firstborn competed at the Idaho HOSA (Health Occupation Student Association) state competition last month as part of his Sports Med program. His PSA video won first place at the state competition and will be taken to nationals this summer. If he wins, the award is scholarship money. He is thrilled just to make it to nationals. Also, Firstborn just got a job(!) as a developmental therapist. Turns out, having a sister with Down syndrome, a CPR certification, and experience from all the volunteer work he has done with DS foundations and Special Olympics makes him very marketable as a DT. He is thrilled to have a decent paying job with benefits. He has no time to celebrate, so that will have to wait when he graduates from high school at the end of the month.

I get to celebrate Mothers Day on Sunday, graduate from ISU on Monday, and celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary on Tuesday. Might as well start the party now. Today is Cinco de Mayo. And my twin sister's 22nd wedding anniversary.

GRE panic........and calm.....

I took the GRE last night. And I bombed it.

Actually, it was a practice GRE, the third practice GRE I had done, and the first one I tried while timed.

I hated that little clock on the screen. It ticked like a time bomb and shattered my belief in myself. I scored horribly low on that practice test. After staring at the computer screen in shock, I started to cry. Hard. Then I got to my knees and started to pray. Hard. The tears didn't stop, they just came faster.

Please, Heavenly Father, I can't fail.

I know the taste of failure. It has happened so many times. My whole grad school future hinges on being able to score well on the GRE. I prayed and cried, cried and prayed.

Mr. Wonderful heard about it late last night after the kids were in bed. He heard me out, let me cry on his shoulder, counseled me, and promised to give me a priesthood blessing the next morning.

This morning, before the kids were up, Mr. Wonderful gave me a blessing in which he reminded me whose daughter I was and blessed me to have a calm spirit and clear recall of the things I studied.

I felt calm. I was so calm during my morning class that my classmates wondered what was wrong with me. Usually I am talkative - not this morning. I breezed through a quiz I had in class this morning, then left to review for the GRE.

This afternoon, I entered the testing center still feeling calm. I filled out the paperwork, hand copied the paragraph stating that I would not cheat, showed I.D., and stowed all my belongings in a locker - including a watch they told me I couldn't wear. They even made me turn my pockets inside out. All I could take in were two pencils and four sheets of yellow paper.

I walked in calmly. My hands weren't even shaking.

Noise reduction headphones - on.

Place paper, pencils, and I.D. just so,

Scroll through the directions.

Deep breath and quick stretch.

Go.

I think I rocked the essays. The quantitative was stressful. The problems I could not figure out in 2 minutes, I did a best guess of elimination and moved on. At least I finished the section with 2 seconds to spare. During the verbal, there were only two words I did not know but I could break them down and make a guess between two of the five answers available.

I did better on the quant than I thought I would but not great. I wasn't sure if I did well on the verbal until I looked up the percentage. According to the ETS website (if I understood it correctly) I did very well on the verbal.

I need to talk to my counselor to see if my scores were good enough for grad school, or should I take it again and hope for better on the math. I won't have my full scores with essays for two weeks.

Overall, I feel pretty good. Calm. Really calm.

Hopefully that feeling will last all through Thanksgiving break.

Midterms week

I can hardly believe that the semester is half over. This has been the hardest semester ever, not just due to the material, but getting ready for the GRE and applying to different schools. I have not written my Letter of Intent yet and need to get busy. I have 3 letters or rec and need two more. Papers to write. Projects to start/finish. Observation hours to accrue.

The Love Magnet woke up this morning acting ornery. Sign #1 that something is afoot. She has had a runny/stuffy nose all week. Sure enough, she now has a fever on the day I am supposed to take a midterm in my Assessment and Intervention class. It seems like every single virus that comes around the neighborhood hits her harder than anyone else. I emailed my prof, who graciously will allow me to take the exam tomorrow or Friday morning. As long as I don't talk to my classmates about the exam. Not a problem.

I'll have to use this day to work on GRE, catch up on laundry and dishes, and perhaps even put a dent in the office that never stays clean for more than 24 hours.

I can do 'hard' for 2 1/2 more years. My question is: Can my family stand for me to do 'hard' for the next 2 1/2 years?

It's slowly coming together....

My school has been back in session for two weeks. I am starting to see that the knowledge of the past year has starting sticking. I understand more. That is incredibly exciting to me.

I've narrowed down all of my interests in order to focus on two: Language development in Down syndrome, and Voice Disorders. I am still interested in geriatric issues but that can wait until after grad school and PRAXIS, when I am required to do CEU's. I still would like to do a grad research project on DS, music, and language development.

I still have not figured out how to balance laundry and house chores when everyone else is running every which way. I have the cooking down (love my slow cooker thankyouverymuch!) and I can juggle chauffeuring when there is time left during kids tutoring sessions and sports for me to open a textbook. I need to come up with some kind of chore chart and teach these kids how to clean up messes as they make them (apparently the past 17 years of doing this doesn't count because it hasn't stuck in their heads.....)

Date night is still sacred in this house. It's not always on our usual date night and it is not always "out" but I still get my datenight with my honey.

This is the semester of applying for grad school. I'll take the GRE in October. I have two groups lined up to write rec letters for me. I am still trying to figure out tuition costs, housing costs and all requirements needed to apply to the out-of-state schools. When I ask Mr. Wonderful how on earth we'll pay out-of-state tuition he tells me to not worry about it.

I had the lovely experience of doing hearing screenings on some elementary kids this past week. The SLP and I sat side-by-side with two screening machines and between the two of us finished the kids in half the time. It was a great learning experience for me.

I have an exam for genetics this week. I have a project to interview a 90 year old woman about hearing and balance issues that I am really looking forward to. Tons of reading.

I wonder if the laundry will ever be completely done this school year. Probably not.

Searching for confidence

Day two of Spring Semester. Tons of reading. A new laptop to load up with all the required software. (I love my laptop and tell Mr. Wonderful how grateful I am every single day for it.) Starting study for the GRE. Talking to grad school students. Trying to decide where to go to grad school.

Mr. Wonderful is encouraging me to check out other schools besides my current one. Staying here would be much cheaper. I really want to focus on Language Development in People with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities (such as Down syndrome). Still trying to decide who would have the best program and if I would qualify to go. I am looking at University of Washington (ranked #5 in SLP programs according to US News and World Report), University of Iowa (ranked #1), Vanderbilt (also #5), Florida State (#15), University of Georgia (#46), University of Virginia (#53), and University of Utah also (#46).

Will it be worth uprooting the family again (and possibly leaving Firstborn behind as he starts college)? Mr. Wonderful wants to continue his education, too - will it postpone that further? What about having to pay nonresidential fees? Can I qualify for any aid or scholarships? What will I do with The Love Magnet when I have to do summer semesters?! Can she attend some kind of summer school or daycare on campus?

Then there is the slight nagging in the back of my head: you're not smart enough, it's too hard, change to something easier. I am pushing those thoughts down and obliterating that voice the best I can. I know I can accomplish this (although never in my life did I think I would do something in the health field and earn a masters degree).

I told one of the grad students today that the most frustrating thing about all this is that I don't know what kind of questions to ask. It's all a bit overwhelming. I plan on taking the GRE this summer at least twice. I don't apply for grad school until next fall. I am somewhat successfully juggling being a mom and student right now.........at least I hope I am.

Did I mention how this journey is taking me out of my comfort zone on a daily basis? That is a good thing........right?

I still need to plan my 14 Days of Valentines. I forgot to write my Sunday Gratitudes this week. I have piles of laundry to fold.

I think I had better start with a list of gratitudes. Sunday Gratitudes on a Thursday. Be back tomorrow with that.

Surviving Finals

So far and A on all of my finals, including the class that gave me the most stress. Unfortunately that A on the exam still left me 2 percentage points short of an A for the class. Ugh.

One last final that I will probably take tomorrow night just to get it done with. Then I am freeeeeeeeeeeeee!

psst - at least for 2 1/2 weeks

I will admit that I loved this semester. Getting into my major and working towards a goal has been wonderful.

I need to talk to the department head but I think I know a direction already that I want to take for graduate school and a final project.

Oh, did I mention I still need to study for the GRE and start taking it this summer? Yeah. More books during vacation.

psst - during my freedom of 2 1/2 weeks, I get to spend part of that taking a vacation sans kids. I get Mr. Wonderful to myself for a few days. Woo-hoo! But I have to whisper the plans. The sickly demons are hunting us down and I do not DO NOT want to be sick over Christmas. Even more so, I do not want Mr. Wonderful getting sick. Know any way to ward off the sickly demons?

Slowly coming out of the Pit of Despair

I know - Pit of Despair sounds a bit over-the-top. Cliffs of Insanity, maybe? My inner drama-queen tends to resurface whenever I feel like I've been thrust back in time to my high school days.

Big hair - no.

Upturned collar and grandma's paste jewelry brooch - no.

C minus in math - check.

I earned an A in my English tech class and a C- in Mathematical Thought. I felt like I was in Mr. Anderson's geometry class all over again. I felt.......incapable.

So I pouted. I cried. I moped. I didn't write my Sunday Gratitudes because I didn't feel grateful. I ran gamut through ever single insecurity that plagued me in the 80's. My face broke out. I had dreams of being in high school, acting in the school musical and forgetting my lines.....my songs....my locker combination.....every answer to my final exams....

Mr. Wonderful let me vent. He patiently listened to all of my frustrations. When I finally stopped to breathe, Mr. Wonderful asked me one thing:

"Did you give it your best effort?"

I had to think about that for a bit. Yes, I did. I gave it my best effort with four kids, a 5th temporary child whom we were taking care of until Family Services could find him a foster home, taking care of our home, a math professor who did not like my essay answers and who taught far beyond the parameters of the course, and all of the crazy things that have happened this summer.

When I went through all that I realized that I could then let it go. I have received all A's so far in the past year. A low grade in math was incredibly disappointing to me but it doesn't define who I am.

I now have three weeks to read Maeve Binchy, try new recipes, take my kids on fun trips, and decompress. I plan to take full advantage of no school. No textbooks. Double gratitudes on Sunday. A catchup blog post about The Love Magnet's 7th Birthday and Tea party.
NO TEXTBOOKS! WOO-HOO!!!



PS: Today I received my shipment of textbooks. It's taking all of my willpower not to open them and explore the world of Clinical Phonetics, Deaf Studies and Basic Sign, and Language Science and Development.

DID YOU JUST HEAR ME SCREAM? TWICE?!!!

WOOO-HOOO!

Just had word that our Utah house sale has finally funded and we are no longer land barons. No more paying for two mortgages. We are now the proud owners of one house!


WOOO-HOOO!

Grades are out and I earned an A- in Stats. That puts my GPA at a 3.8. Does an A- still count for straight A's? The person with the highest grades in the family gets to pick/plan the family vacay. Secondborn won last year with straight A's. I told him to watch out this semester. Excuse me while I do a happy dance......

Today I received an official letter from my university

I MADE THE DEAN'S LIST!

()()()(\\\\\/////()()()()()

(doing the happy dance)

Doing the Snoopy Happy Dance

I know I've been absent a lot and I missed Sunday Gratitudes. 'Tis the season of finals. Two so far and three more next week.

I just had to announce that I EARNED AN 'A' on my anatomy & Physiology lab final. Combine that with my lecture grade and it might actually be decent. I also aced my Psych final.

Later on tonight I will post 12 great things about Secondborn in honor of his 12th birthday. I and I can't forget Sunday Gratitudes from last week because it was doubly important.

Be back tonight.

(still doing the Snoopy Happy Dance. I'll be this feelings lasts all day......)

Surprises in Psychology

On Tuesday my Psych class revisited the moral question of $100 (see The Missing Moral Compass post). I didn't get a chance to respond as my prof was trying to get to the point and move on. However, the next question was just as interesting:

"Why do you do nice things for your significant other?" The class answers were "Because you want something in return". I had enough of this and raised my hand.

"Why not do it because you love him?"

My psych prof stopped in his tracks and stared at me. "For love alone? You're kidding, right? You're not kidding. Are you altruistic and would return the $100 lost in the parking lot, too?"

I stated that I would and then waited for the death trap I knew he was laying for me. I even told him I was expecting it. He surprised me instead.

"I admire you. No, I am not kidding. I really admire you."

As Mrs. Man would say, color me surprised. But only for a minute. My prof now wants to meet Mr. Wonderful. He wants to know if I keep Mr. Wonderful drugged and duct-taped in a back room so I can claim how wonderful our marriage is. I've told this to Mr. Wonderful, who is quite keen on coming to my class to hear for himself the outrageous statements of my prof and peers.

The Missing Moral Compass

Yesterday in Psych class, this moral dilemma was posed to the class:

"You see a $100 bill lying on the ground in the school parking lot. A car had just left that space but you did not see the driver drop it. You do not know to whom this money belongs. What would you do?"

One guy said he would use it for gas money. Another said that he would use it for gaming. Lots of suggestions were shouted out with their reasoning. "It's a blessing from God." "I need it more." "Finders keepers."

Not one person said they would try to locate the owner or at least take it to the Student Services office.

My integrity is worth more than any money. I knew without question what I would do. But I didn't speak out. I was afraid that the professor would try to psychoanalyze me and I didn't want the debate. It seemed as if I was the only one in the room who saw this in black and white.

Even my professor said he would keep the money. He often presents his lectures as if he were doing stand up comedy so I wasn't sure if this comment was serious.

The lecture went on. One guy told of his mom trying to support her family on a waitressing paycheck. She would skim the till whenever she got the chance and told him that the restaurant would never miss it - besides they needed it more. When the professor asked if that made it right, the guy answered "Absolutely. It kept us from starving." Others also talked about lack of morals as if it were the norm. Have I been so out of the loop that I didn't realize that many people were like this? Were they just showing off for the class? Do people really think that there are no boundaries to accountability? Is being virtuous and honorable considered puritanical?

That night I told Mr. Wonderful what happened. I said that I wished I could go back to that moment and say what I thought. Mr. Wonderful pointed out to me that I should never fear when truth is on my side. When I berated myself for missing the moment, he commented that there would be more chances.

Unfortunately he is right. I believe my Psych class is missing their moral compass. Other subjects will come up where I will have the opportunity to speak out. I'm hoping that I am not the only one.

Happiness is....

Finding my communications book after believing that The Love Magnet took it for a bit of light reading (She has been caught reading my psych textbook while lounging in her bed waiting to be tucked in.)......and, no Mom, it wasn't under my bed. (I knew you were thinking that.)

Finally (finally!!! Oh Happy Day!) finding research that works for an upcoming communications paper.

Three whole quiet hours of uninterrupted work to find said communications textbook AND complete the research.

Happiness is not..... APA format. MLS format. Chicago style format. (Especially when you haven't done anything like this for 18 years.)

Happiness is....Mr. Wonderful telling me that I am being too hard on myself when stressing about school and not being able to keep the house in order (yet. This is a goal I'm still working on.)

Idiots who cheat

I am ticked.

My A&P exam was done on Blackboard (from home computer) and open book. I didn't get that great of a score but managed to score better than class average.

An unidentifiable number of students found a way to cheat by taking the test together on their laptops and sharing answers or else watching someone else take the test so they would know the questions.

Some were caught.

Now the A&P prof has declared that test null. Instead that test will be divided into four parts and a part added onto each of the remaining four tests. Instead of open book tests, the tests will be given in the classroom with no books/notes allowed.

I'm not the only one who's livid. When the prof announced this in class tonight, the people around me were wanting to find out the names of those who had been caught so we could surround them in the parking lot. I am not sure if the cheaters were kicked out of class. or better yet, kicked out of school. I hope so.

I am willing to bet that the remaining cheating idiots (who were not caught) feel no remorse. Thanks, people. You made things more difficult for the rest of us.

Please Excuse My Pity Party For The Next Ten Minutes

Today's Anatomy & Physiology test wasn't pretty. I knew the organic chemistry would be hard but I also struggled with the lecture I missed about organic molecules, monosaccharides, disaccharides, polysaccharides, triglycerides, fatty acids...... (sigh).

When I took the first level of anatomy (at a different school) I aced the class. This A&P lecture class is a real big kick in my ego. Yet again I have a high appreciation for my mom (the nurse), my brother-in-love who is finishing his residency right now, and anyone else who had to take uber-high levels of medical classes (and would find my A&P class a piece of cake right now.) Mr. Wonderful would find this class a piece of cake and (I think) is a bit jealous of my opportunity. He has been out of town and unable to tutor me. No more out of town for Mr. Wonderful when I have exams coming. I won't let him leave.

Obviously I am going to have to come up with a better plan for study. As it is right now, Secondborn will be winning the "Choose The Family Vacay" contest with his straight A's unless I get it in gear. My only consolation is that my A&P prof will be deleting the worst test off of my final grade. That means I have a second chance. That means I will be attending every single tutorial available. That means I am actually considering whether or not to get a Franklin Planner of sorts to really schedule out my time. I am a free spirit with poor organizational skills - at least when it comes to.....well.....nearly everything.

I feel good about my Lab test coming up as well as Art. My next Pych exam will go much better now that I am literally on the same page with the rest of the class. There is a writing lab on campus where (I've just found out) I can email my upcoming Comm and Psych papers for review and suggestions.

In the meantime, my head really hurts. My ego hurts. For some reason my hip socket hurts, too. I missed my final training run last night because of it. I sure hope its better before Saturday. I would be so disappointed if, after 13 weeks of training for this goal, I can't run.

Grumpy Girl is going to take a break for a bit before I work on my Psych paper about fear. And put together a lasagna for dinner. And fold the last load of laundry. And scrub the tub.

I think I deserve a foot rub tonight.

I went to the Bookstore to return my text. They weren't quite sure what to do with me - my Prof had not called yet.

The guy helping me was gone a long time to talk to his supervisor. She came out to ask questions. No, I did not have the receipt (I wasn't planning on returning the book.) No, I didn't know the name of the guy who helped me the first time. I could give a description, if they wanted it. As I ran through the features of not-so-helpful-after-all Bookstore guy, recognition appeared on their faces. They knew exactly who I was talking about. And they were not happy.

Either somebody was playing a really poor joke on his last day working, or he is going to be fired this weekend. I'm not sure. Whatever they were thinking, I have a feeling that this guy has been/is/will be fired.

Now I have a new Psych book. No grade on the test yet. I'll see what happens and then talk to my Psych Prof. In the meantime, I have a lot of A&P to review: bonding- types and their importance, Ph scales and body fluids and how its all derived, Macromolecules and everything about them, Organelles and their functions, Plasma membranes, osmosis and tonicity, and all the vocabulary. Yup. Brain mush.