I know - Pit of Despair sounds a bit over-the-top. Cliffs of Insanity, maybe? My inner drama-queen tends to resurface whenever I feel like I've been thrust back in time to my high school days.
Big hair - no.
Upturned collar and grandma's paste jewelry brooch - no.
C minus in math - check.
I earned an A in my English tech class and a C- in Mathematical Thought. I felt like I was in Mr. Anderson's geometry class all over again. I felt.......incapable.
So I pouted. I cried. I moped. I didn't write my Sunday Gratitudes because I didn't feel grateful. I ran gamut through ever single insecurity that plagued me in the 80's. My face broke out. I had dreams of being in high school, acting in the school musical and forgetting my lines.....my songs....my locker combination.....every answer to my final exams....
Mr. Wonderful let me vent. He patiently listened to all of my frustrations. When I finally stopped to breathe, Mr. Wonderful asked me one thing:
"Did you give it your best effort?"
I had to think about that for a bit. Yes, I did. I gave it my best effort with four kids, a 5th temporary child whom we were taking care of until Family Services could find him a foster home, taking care of our home, a math professor who did not like my essay answers and who taught far beyond the parameters of the course, and all of the crazy things that have happened this summer.
When I went through all that I realized that I could then let it go. I have received all A's so far in the past year. A low grade in math was incredibly disappointing to me but it doesn't define who I am.
I now have three weeks to read Maeve Binchy, try new recipes, take my kids on fun trips, and decompress. I plan to take full advantage of no school. No textbooks. Double gratitudes on Sunday. A catchup blog post about The Love Magnet's 7th Birthday and Tea party.
NO TEXTBOOKS! WOO-HOO!!!
PS: Today I received my shipment of textbooks. It's taking all of my willpower not to open them and explore the world of Clinical Phonetics, Deaf Studies and Basic Sign, and Language Science and Development.