Friday, August 07, 2009

Slowly coming out of the Pit of Despair

I know - Pit of Despair sounds a bit over-the-top. Cliffs of Insanity, maybe? My inner drama-queen tends to resurface whenever I feel like I've been thrust back in time to my high school days.

Big hair - no.

Upturned collar and grandma's paste jewelry brooch - no.

C minus in math - check.

I earned an A in my English tech class and a C- in Mathematical Thought. I felt like I was in Mr. Anderson's geometry class all over again. I felt.......incapable.

So I pouted. I cried. I moped. I didn't write my Sunday Gratitudes because I didn't feel grateful. I ran gamut through ever single insecurity that plagued me in the 80's. My face broke out. I had dreams of being in high school, acting in the school musical and forgetting my lines.....my songs....my locker combination.....every answer to my final exams....

Mr. Wonderful let me vent. He patiently listened to all of my frustrations. When I finally stopped to breathe, Mr. Wonderful asked me one thing:

"Did you give it your best effort?"

I had to think about that for a bit. Yes, I did. I gave it my best effort with four kids, a 5th temporary child whom we were taking care of until Family Services could find him a foster home, taking care of our home, a math professor who did not like my essay answers and who taught far beyond the parameters of the course, and all of the crazy things that have happened this summer.

When I went through all that I realized that I could then let it go. I have received all A's so far in the past year. A low grade in math was incredibly disappointing to me but it doesn't define who I am.

I now have three weeks to read Maeve Binchy, try new recipes, take my kids on fun trips, and decompress. I plan to take full advantage of no school. No textbooks. Double gratitudes on Sunday. A catchup blog post about The Love Magnet's 7th Birthday and Tea party.
NO TEXTBOOKS! WOO-HOO!!!



PS: Today I received my shipment of textbooks. It's taking all of my willpower not to open them and explore the world of Clinical Phonetics, Deaf Studies and Basic Sign, and Language Science and Development.

6 comments:

Al, Wendy, Max, and Lil said...

Well, a 'C' is definately NOT a bad grade. It is average. I would say that is a victory in any math class...but THAT math class AND with all the other stuff going on?! WOW! Pat yourself on the back!

Angela said...

Carrie- you crack me up! That's too bad about the grade- I remember how frustrating it was to get something like that. But it's only 1 and you're still doing great! No worries. And why would you want to open a textbook ever? Ugh! Go enjoy the summer silly :)And what about this 5th child I know nothing about? I'm going to have to call you and get the dirt on your life- just as soon as I return- I'm out of town for the next 3 weeks.

Aaron said...

I am so glad you realized you did your best. You are doing great! Enjoy your break. I have three weeks left of summer, too. This fall is my last semester though!

Monica said...

Mr. Wonderful is also very wise! I hope these following weeks go by slowly and you enjoy every minute! You are truly amazing!!!! I just don't think I could go back to school! You inspire me though~

Kristin said...

My motto in college was "C's get degrees!" - I have my degree and no one ever asks what my GPA was, thank goodness :)

CandyandLadybugs said...

I'm glad you are feeling better about it. One C- isn't so bad. You're doing fabulous in school. I'm very proud of you. I may have to go to school to be an SLP just to get a job! I haven't found a job yet. Unbelievable.