I wasn't going to make any New Years Resolutions. I have my goals already laid out: make it through my last semester, graduate (!) with my Bachelors in Communication Sciences and Disorders, put my house somewhat in order and hopefully keep it that way, and juggle my schedule plus kids tutoring, swim lessons, climbing lessons....
(Did you know that the YMCA has climbing lessons and a competitive climbing team called The Rock Stars? Thirdborn is swooning. Unfortunately the 101 class is full and he has to wait until next month. But I digress......)
Today I sat in front of the organ at church. Listened to podcast lesson #2 "First Steps In Pedal Playing". Practice my pedal work. Sounded like a first year piano student.
Agony.
The organ amplifies my every mistake. The medial area of my right knee hurts and I wonder why. It's worse when I try to navigate the pedals heel-toe. I have to sit ram-rod straight and barely on the organ bench in order to make that heel-toe motion work. Along with the discomfort, I mourn the straight posture I used to have way back during the Jurassic Period. Before color was invented. Eons ago. It's exhausting to sit that straight for 4 verses of a hymn.
It's hard for me to not be good at something. And this organ playing humbling me. I'm scheduled to play organ in two weeks in Sacrament Meeting and I realize now that it is not nearly enough time. As I told the Ward Music Chairperson "I won't be an organist, but at least I will be willing". I am impatient and want to see improvement now. Uh.......now. No...........now! No improvement after an hour of practice. I pack up my laptop, binder of printed material for the online podcast course, and my brand-spankin'-new huge spiral bound hymnbook. The kind organists use. Because I am an organist. At least I'm trying to pretend to be one.
I need organ shoes.
I said a little prayer yesterday before I started my first practice. I asked Heavenly Father if he would mind loaning me Sis. Larson (my piano teacher for 8 years) to whisper in my ear until I got the hang of this. Its going to take months and I need a mentor.
Magnify my calling. Hope. Believe. Endure joyfully. No bad attitude.
I'm still impatient. Do I need to repent for that?
4 comments:
Hang in there Carrie. I have no doubt that you will succeed at the organ. One practice at a time....
Ah Sweetheart, we love you. (I seem to remember offering to pay for organ lessons back there in the Jurassic Park era.)
carrie love your post and I'M NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING, so it makes me sad to see you be so hard on your self. Talented people are such perfectionists , just enjoy the moment.I am so proud of you for triing. Lucky for me Dancing isn't a calling in the church.
@Mom - yeah, I'm kicking myself about that right now.
@Tina - seriously? Best dancer, sweetie. I'm sure you'll get called to help with dance festivals and choreograph roadshows. :)
@Melissa - patience is a virtue I have yet to perfect. I think it is going to take a lifetime to learn.
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