Today I stopped by the elementary school, a little to early before it was time to pick up DD. I wanted to talk to the resource teacher about DD's I.E.P. When I walked into the resource room, I saw DD's aide. Without DD. It turns out that there was a bit of a shakeup, and DD's aide (in order to make up for one less person on the staff) was assigned to another child. DD was given a new aide.
The news of this should not have set me off like it did. But the tears came. I have been concerned with DS#3's challenges in the classroom. I have a mtg next week with all of the therapists and specialist to discuss what to do about him. I thought that DD was in great hands. Actually, that is the wrong thing to say. DD is in great hands; her new aide is the resource teacher, someone I consider a dear friend. But the thought of of having DD's routine disrupted (remember how she doesn't handle change very well?) kind of put me over the edge for a minute. There I was in the resource room, tears in my eyes, the school counselor telling me that the change would be okay.
I felt so stupid.
My favorite scripture is Ether 12:27 which says:
And if men come unto me I will show unto them
their weakness I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me;
for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I
make weak things become strong unto them.
My crying has always seemed a weakness to me and I hope and pray that someday I will get over it. As a teen, I never cried at movies. I couldn't make tears when my characters required it in drama class. I was never weepy until college when I developed mono, Epstein Barr virus, and depression (the depression was directly related and lasted six months). While I am no longer depressed (what a blessing that is!) I still get teary often and sometimes at the most inopportune times.
This week I had tears when I saw my Grandma. (It was so good to see her! I hope she didn't notice my red eyes). I cry when I share my testimony. I cry when I talk about DD's birth and the spiritual experiences that happened that first week. I cry each and every time I watch Extreme Home Makeover (maybe that shouldn't count since I think every one cries while watching that). I cry when I watch a great musical live (the music of Les Miserable completely overwhelms me. Also Ragtime, Wicked, Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat - Donny Osmond soundtrack, .....). Listening to or singing "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" gets me every time. That's really rough when I am in front of the congregation directing a hymn and the entire ward sees the tears. Of course that has been know to start the waterworks in others who also feel the Spirit....
I truly hope that one of these days that weakness is turned into a strength. I pray about it daily (and usually start crying while doing so).