Heavenly Father Knows My Heart

It's no secret that my attitude has had need of a severe adjustment the past two months. I have run the gamut from fear to despair to being overwhelmed. Mr. Wonderful as been my rock every day, letting me talk things out. He knows more than anyone that it is these discussions allowing me to vent my feelings rather than bottle them up are the best medicine for my soul. I've struggled with my feelings of being inadequate for the challenges we've passed and those ahead. God, in His infinite wisdom, set three angels in my path. He doesn't send angels from Heaven when He has people right for the job here on earth.

The March 2008 issue of the Ensign came in the mail the 1st week in March. Usually I pore over the magazine, reading it from cover to cover the first day. This time it was put aside. I pulled it out this week to prepare my Visiting Teaching lesson. Instead of a given article, we were instructed to pick any of the articles we thought would best meet the needs of our sisters.

I wondered which to choose until I came across the article from Elder Russell M. Nelson, entitled "Faith In Jesus Christ". Elder Russell M. Nelson was a heart surgeon. The title of the article caught my attention because of my struggling faith. Inside, the article seemed written specifically for me because of the first few paragraphs:

My long road to become a doctor of medicine was only the beginning. After that came years of hospital work, research, specialty training, and certifying examinations. Then followed many years of teaching, service, and the challenges of the newly emerging field of open-heart surgery, all of which brought me to a profound reverence for the structure and function of the human body. I was convinced that its creation was divine.
The Remarkable Human Body
Think of the genesis of a human body. It begins with the union of two reproductive cells—one from the mother and one from the father. Together, these cells contain all of the new individual’s hereditary information, stored in a space so small it cannot be seen by the naked eye. Twenty-three chromosomes from each parent unite in one new cell. These chromosomes contain thousands of genes which determine the physical characteristics of the unborn person. Approximately 22 days after these cells unite, a tiny heart begins to beat. At 26 days, blood begins to circulate. Cells multiply and divide. Some become eyes that see; others become ears that hear or fingers that feel the wondrous things about us.
Each organ is an amazing creation. The eye has a self-focusing lens. Nerves and muscles allow two eyes to make a single three-dimensional image. The ear converts sound waves into audible tones perceived in the brain.
The heart has four delicate valves that control the direction of blood flow. They open and close more than 100,000 times a day—36 million times a year. Unless altered by disease, they are able to withstand this stress almost indefinitely. No man-made material can be flexed so frequently and so long without breaking. Each day, the adult heart pumps enough fluid to fill a 2,000-gallon (7,570-L) tank. At the crest of the heart is a source of electricity that transmits energy down special lines, causing myriads of muscle fibers to work together.

This caught my attention. I felt like it was shouted from the rooftops. To talk about faith starting with heart valves....how could it be more planned out for me? The article goes on to talk about how every thing God created has law and order. How we are each part of His specific plan and to accept this concept requires faith. You can read the entire article here. Like I said, that article could have been written just for me at this time. Elder Nelson is my first angel.

My second angel appeared while I was visiting teaching. My companion made the appointments for last Thursday. We went to the first house . The sister we were there to see was not home. Her husband invited us in. He is one of my choir members and loves to tease me. He was also the first person to welcome my family into the ward and therefore holds a special place in my heart. He insisted we come in, sit down, and present the lesson to him. I started with the information about my daughter's upcoming heart surgery and the struggles I had been having with my faith. Then I brought out the article by Elder Nelson and read the part about the heart and told the rest in my own words. This sweet brother started to tell me about his quest to memorize scriptures and then began to teach me, quoting many scriptures on faith from the Bible and the Book of Mormon. My companion and I were in tears and the Holy Ghost bore witness to us of the truth of his words. It was no accident that we were still there even though the intended sister for our visit was not present.

When I returned home, I opened up the article again and discovered that this sweet brother had quoted every single scripture in Elder Nelson's article. Mr. Wonderful I and talked about the experience. I wish I could have shared word for word with my husband what was said to me that night.

My third angel appeared this morning. My daddy, serving a mission in Africa, sent an email specifically to me. This doesn't happen often as my mom is usually the one who send word of what is going on. My daddy wanted to respond to my latest email where I reported to him everything going on with my family. Between reading my email and this blog, he knew what I needed to hear. The content of that email is too close to my heart to share with everyone, but I will say that I felt his arms around me. I would not change where he is for the world. I much as I miss my parents, I am so grateful for their willingness to be on a mission at this time.

I woke up this morning full of hope and love. I feel so much stronger. I'm looking forward to DD's surgery now, because I know how much better she will be when it is done. I have put the sale of our Utah house back in God's hands. I have started to release the tensions and debilitating worry. To have these three angels put in my path within three days has strengthened my faith.

My daughter still needs surgery. My house has not sold. But my testimony is so much greater. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me. He knows my name. He knows every single strength and weakness that I have. My brother and my Savior, Jesus Christ, knows all this, too. He has already suffered through it with me. I have never been left alone to experience these things. My faith will be tested and strengthened throughout my life,and always I will have my Father and my Savior with me, putting those angels in my path that I need the most. I am so grateful for Their infinite love for me and my family.